dalam cengkraman hening

>> 7/05/2011

Secangkir susu putih  dan sesisir roti tawar menemaniku pagi ini.
Entah kenapa semalam aku tak bisa memejamkan mata
dgn beragam pikiran yang menghantui, nyata dan tidak nyata.
Aku nyaris tak bisa membedakan antara kesadaran dan bukan kesadaran.
Aku tak tau ada dimana, semalam aku terbang....

Entah apa yang terjadi ... badankupun bereaksi... asam lambungku naik dan aku takut.
Tak tahu bahasa apa yang tengah disampaikan malam tadi, alam apa yang ingin kau ucapkan?
Aku tak peka.... tapi aku merasa ada sesuatu yg harus di perbaiki,
andai aku bisa mengerti, maka tak akan kupusingkan teka-teki ini.
Ku lewati malam dengan tatapan kosong, memutari langit-langit kamar, tenggelam dalam kesunyian
dalam tamaram lampu neon yang menciptakan bayangannya diri.

Pagi telah mengantarku kemeja kantor.
Semoga bergantinya hari dapat membuatku berfikirjernih.
Alamku terpecah, dan akupun tertegun.... ada apa denganku? dalam hening aku mencari jawab.
Benar dan salah bedanya tipis, dan tak ada keputusan yang benar-benar BENAR.
Well apapun itu aku bersyukur karena Engkau di hatiku. Tuhan.



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Hidup Dalam Alur

>> 5/10/2011

kpd air mata ...  pembersih hati dari debu,



kala film kuputar balik, tampak rentetan cerita dalam hidup
iya, saya tahu, hidup belum berakhir ...
dalam ragam deretan kisah berkalbu dalam diri
diri... yang dulu pernah suci, tanpa kata, tanpa makna

kini... banyak luka penghias jiwa
kerlipan manis dari dongeng kehidupan
berputar seperti roda... tak pernah berhenti
membuat hati jatuh dan bangun, hanya demi meresapi
arti sebuah makna, yg harus dicari sendiri

Terdampar dengan banyak kemelekatan, dari orang, materi, masa lalu,
impian semu, tuntutan, kekangan, dan penilaian rata2 dari yg mereka sebut masyarakat.
dan akibat dari rasa memiliki adalah luka.

Aku bukanlah makluk suci, yang menjadi naif berbicara tentang cinta
aku bukanlah makluk manis, yang tak punya luka di hati
aku adalah sama, manusia dengan sejuta gejolak

semua rela kulepas demi suatu pencarian dgn semua jawab didalam diri
aku rindu diriku di tengah gemerlap dunia, dan sorak sorai dalam pesta
aku rindu hatiku di tengah lubang yang terhias di dalamnya
dan untuk semua kebohongan atas nama perlindungan diri
maka kini aku berserah ... dalam diri untuk menjadi utuh
tak goyah saat tertiup angin dan tak ambruk saat di tempa beban
karena sesungguhnya kita bukan apa-apa tanpa hati untuk peduli, dan berbagi.

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The real glory of the grace

>> 5/03/2011

Dropped in the river flows, follow the water meet the estuary, then go into the ocean. This the real glory of the grace

"When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world." - Unknown Monk (1100AD).



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Dalam debu dan bersama angin

>> 4/06/2011

Terhenti pada sudut jam, hamparan rasa terpajang bebas di hati. Apakah ini?
Matahari merangkulku dengan panas cahaya yang erat, jujur ini membuat seluruh tubuhku terbakar, sangat terik! Butiran keringat membelai paras ku.
Dalam kekosongan kolaborasi warna tengah menciptakan rasa,
rasa yang begitu dalam dan tak bisa diungkapkan. Ada apa?
Aku lelah bermain dengan intuisi, aku lelah untuk mengerti, aku lelah untuk mati.
Aku... tanpa nada tanpa suara... kekosongan yang isi,.... isi dalam kosong.
Kini, bolehkah aku berteriak? tapi untuk apa? 

Kupalingkan wajah, kulihat kedua sayap.... dapatkah aku kembali terbang? rasa apa ini? menekanku begitu dalam, dan membangkitkan sesak di dada. Jatuh terlutut.... menengadahkan paras ke atas..... merintih.... 'Tuhan...' 
Aku terperangkap dalam rasa yang tak terjamah, lepaskan aku dari jerat ini. 

Jalan menapak ... dalam alunan nada, melambai bersama..... memeluk..... dan mencair........
nada itu...... selalu menimbulkan air di mataku, tanpa pernah aku temukan....... jawaban dari 'mengapa' 

Terbang bersama angin...... berhenti singah, dan melayang...... terlalu kecil untuk di tangkap, dan terlalu ringan untuk di genggam..... debu....... 


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headaches

>> 3/20/2011

















oh God, whatever its, please don't make me be selfish
everyone is entitled to be happy, as well as myself
don't let me ruin the happiness of others
although they sometimes not make me feel happy 
please help me.... help me to be patient... 
I beg U plz....

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Ash Wednesday in My Self...... hmmm today

>> 3/09/2011

In the Roman Catholic Church, Ash Wednesdayis the first day of Lent, the season of preparation for the resurrection of Jesus Christ on Easter Sunday.

Now is Ash Wednesday. if u think I must go to church and get the ash in my forehead? 
God if U know that everyday I always regret all the mistakes that I have done? yes I sure that U know all about me. I just scared that its just a warning event, or remember celebrate, or only an alarm for self introspection before easter day, or if just a tradition? ok no complain again...... I know the answer is DEPEND .... and I walk in my awareness..... and I never cared for who i am. 











No body perfect event if u can do anything in this world, event you got everything in your life.... 
so... I'm sorry for all my mistakes that I has done, I know... I try hard to be good all my life..... I run too far to see my self.... and may be causes you hurt, I know. I m sorry...

Ash.... 
what if we die our body will be ashes? 
Ash.... we just like ash

Well... I decided  go to Kathedral churh after work..... but don't ask me why.....I just wanted to see, observe, feel, and soluble in that atmosphere...  may be its can remind me again..... or... may be...... it make me feel good..... or... idk... This is very different from the previous, cause .....  I have freed my soul to be free... flying around the awareness.....  without any restrictions, but ......
when i can feel U,  God in my life..... in any form, in any atmosphere, in any culture, tradition.... or ceremony..... its the best time for me to give thanks....  

If you ever feel, no onething that you want to complain in this life?  :)

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Just statement

>> 3/05/2011















if you give me a rope, I will jump with my feets
if you give me a fence, I will climb with my hands
if you give me a wall, I will destroy with my mind
if you give me a blow, I will hit with my emotions
I am a women, not need a cage to stay
but 
if you give me a smile, i give u hug to make u happy
if you give me your respect, I will there to adore you 
if you give me your pure heart to love, I will there to be with u
if you give me your loyalty, I will give you my devotion
I am a women, need peace place to put my heart 
and
if you want to be happy, u must know how to make happy
if you want to be love, u must know how to love
if you want to be eternal, u must know how to be eternal 
cause we never get if we dont know how to get all
life is to learn, and experience make us rich

Do not live in a pleasant lie, but live in honesty, even if it hurts

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always like this song

>> 2/27/2011

My Life -sherina

It's a drop of morning dew, why have you gone out of view, wouldn't you be here to face a new day smiling at you, will the sun be bright and shine or the clouds will overshadow, your day tomorrow with feeling of sadness and sorrow. I'll set a sail to a sea of dreams and fantasies whirl with the wind, It's mistery of the almighty. It's in my life, my heart, me soul, My sense of love, there I will try to find a peace of mind and in my life, my heart, my soul, My sense of love, the living pearls of life for me to find, in my mind, so my heart won't go blind in my life. Drops of fresh morning dew, I'll be waiting here for you, only God knows how tomorrow, will be like 4 u and  4 my life

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What u will choose?

>> 2/25/2011

“if u have to choose between religion and compassion,
what u will choose? “
I will choose compassion...



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Dear God

>> 1/11/2011














Dear God'
too many stories
too many blend colors out
too many spots
and I take my freedom
playing and flying high without restrictions
it all does not make me be bored to enjoy it
although I get a lot of scratch wounds in self
sometimes hit my head and make me crazy
and repeated into the darkness to re-find the star
sometimes sore, happy, sad, and glad ... 


I dont want to regret all the tread steps behind
no matter good or bad, it's common or not
and then disappear in the wind
all these have formed me be a human
who have heart to feel, who have tear to cry
sometimes quiet sometimes crowded,
all over like a show flow of life,
who had never met before
the farther I get out, the more I can find ....
fill the void that was never able to explain with words
silence in the comfort, without ever knowing about all happened 


now I stand without my identity, without my background
and I stood in a vacuum, in a pile of human bodies
without any clothes to cover my self
night God .... thanks for this day


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Forgive

>> 1/02/2011

To hate another is to hate yourself.
We all live within the one Universal Mind.
What we think about another, we think about ourselves.
If you have an enemy, forgive him now.
Let all bitterness and resentment dissolve.
You owe your fellow man love; show him love, not hate.
Show charity and goodwill toward others
and it will return to enhance your own life
in many wonderful ways. ~ Brian Adams 

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